I've always connected to music, and sometimes you can relate to a song more than another human being, it just speaks to your soul.
Last night, a close friend of mine, who actually introduced D and I, sent me a song that he wanted to 'dedicate' to us! Charlie has always been such a romantic type so I knew this had to be good! I thought it was sweet right away without even listening beforehand, and then I actually HEARD the words to this song....brought tears to my eyes!! (I'm such a sap..) It is Overwhelmed by Tim McMorris, and the lyrics truly are beautiful. So I suggest if you go listen, definitely go to YouTube and use a lyric video for it.
It was like a message straight to my heart, made me smile. This song made me remember how lucky I was to ever even meet my future husband, much less realize how I'll be HIS wife one day. I never believe that I take things for granted but the lyrics made me say, "I want to be more grateful for what I have."
Sometimes we can get so caught up in our daily lives that all we can focus on is what's going wrong, who is stressing us out, where do we have to go next, etc. Just stop and think for a second, what are you thankful for? And especially for my fellow sisters, my MilSos, your man is worth every day of waiting. I know I'm in the early stages of my first deployment, but love never fails. Never give up.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
I feel like I am writing this for my own good, rather than for others to have to read it. We have to many memories now that I would hate to forget bits and pieces of the important ones. I met D in the weirdest way possible, and I have to beg of you all NOT to judge- LOL! So here goes nothing, let me know what you think!
I met D online almost three years ago. Now, that doesn't sound too crazy in this day and age, but it is where we met online that stumps people. I am an avid gamer, which surprises many people. In any spare time I have you can catch me playing Call of Duty or Battlefield, completely zoned out and into the game as if my life depended on my next move. So, I am a female gamer for any guys who fall onto this website and cannot believe it, : )
Anyway, we did meet over Call of Duty: Black Ops in 2010. The best part about this is that when I ran into him, we both were using headsets to communicate over the game, and I actually was being quite rude to him. I kept telling him to leave the game, to move out of my way, and I believe I called him a few names here and there. Well, he must have liked it! I got a friend request after being stuck with this 'loser' on my team and decided to add him to see what in the world he could want from me. The rest is history, because D and I played together for a few days while exchanging conversation, weeks and even 2 months went by, and with time I found myself thinking about him daily, and talking to him on a regular basis.
After a few months, D decided he couldn't take it any longer. He wanted to meet this girl who he spoke to everyday, and chatted with on facebook. On February 25th, 2011, D took a train to Virginia to meet me. We have been inseparable ever since he stepped off that train. Two years later I can finally stop briefly saying 'oh we just met online, through a mutual friend, etc.' and outright embarrass him! He hates telling the story because it sounds so geeky and lame, but I think deep down- he loves it. It is unique like us, and it will always be an interesting story to tell.
It was bound to happen sooner or later, that moment where my heart melted into a puddle of despair and worry. That time where I knew he wouldn't be there to comfort my fears and keep me safe from the idea of him being away. I had heard the word 'deployment' for over a year but there was no way to be prepared.
And in all honesty, there is NO way to be prepared for a loved one to be sent away for months, even a year at a time. I knew this, but for some reason I still tried to talk myself into thinking I was ready. I had decided that I would be the one to hold up his family and friends, to be the smile everyone needed- and I was, but deep inside I could not fake it any longer.
That night, the very first night without D was the worst in my life. I can say that because I have been lucky enough to not go through hardly ANY traumatic experiences in life before...but my goodness, it really did hit all at once. I sat there thinking, with tears dripping from my chin and cheeks, this is it. How can I do this? How can anyone bear the worry and hurt for months and months at a time? I felt numb after that initial 'punch' of emotion hit me, and I curled up in his bed, with his pillow, in his pajamas. I had one thought come to mind before I drifted off to sleep, and it was the realization that I had needed all along. I needed to be strong for him, as he will be for me. Immediately, somehow, I was able to suck it up, take a deep breath, and drift off to sleep. I don't know how, but this simple glimmer of subconscious advice saved me for the night. The idea that me being strong would help him- I knew that was my motivation.
Now, this does not mean that the lonely nights won't lead to tears, or that I will always be able to truthfully smile everyday, but it does mean that I will wait and I will be strong for him. He is worth it, all our military men are worth it.
Stay strong ladies, you are another minute closer to that second 'first' kiss, an hour nearer to the warmth of his arms, and a day further along to seeing his smile.